Now that I was back, I wanted to be better than the mess that left.
I contacted one of the shareholders at Wisteria Event Site about doing a little under the table work once a week so I would have some money. I didn't need much, since I was still staying in the woods, or at friends' houses. She had plenty of work to provide; mostly house cleaning, but also some yard work.
After the first day of work, I had to either get dropped off at my dad's, my uncle's or N's, as they were the closest places I could land from Wisteria. I've never been on the best terms with my dad since moving out, and the last time I saw my uncle was when I stopped by to get some of my stuff I had left behind in his cabin that I used to live in. He told me he threw everything away, and I left; so I wasn't really sure what terms I was on with him. Besides, I really wanted to see N.
I didn't have a way to announce myself, but her family had always told me I was free to stop by when I needed, and I did need to, so I showed up when it was already dark. N's step dad let me in. When I left, N had her own place and roommates that didn't pay their share and she wound up back at her mom's house while I was away. She was still at work when I showed up.
When she got back, she sighed when she saw me, making my heart drop, "Hey, Chucke."
"Hey, N."
Then she sat down, half-leaned her head onto my shoulder for a few seconds, then we were normal again.
We hung out in her room to watch a movie. After the film was done, I lay back in her bed and she didn't ask me to go somewhere else. When I tried to put an arm around her, though, she did take it back off.
When she got up for work the next morning, while she was smoking her first cigarette of the day, I took a chance to make her smile.
"Hey, guess what?"
"What?"
I stuck my tongue out. She gave me a look for a few seconds, then stuck her tongue out, too.
"Guess what else?"
"What?"
"You're beautiful."
I got the smile I was looking for, so I rolled with it, complimenting as much of her I could think of in that moment. All she could do was smile, blush, and say, "Thank you."
Since I was still a good ride from Nelsonville, I took several days each time I was at N's. That wasn't uncommon for me, nor for N's home, which is sometimes a sanctuary for those who need it. The condition was that I did work around the house, whatever N's stepdad needed; there was plenty of yard work out in the country, and the house is a constant project.
After N got off work later that day, we had to get Go Time and Trash Can, who were busking with a couple other dirty kids uptown Athens. At some point that night, I called up that morning by asking N if I had told her she was beautiful yet that day.
She giggled, "Yes, you did."
For reasons of believing a woman should hear she's beautiful shortly after waking each day, I continued to tell her every morning, but her reactions were increasingly shut-off. I figured that if I came up with more creative ways to tell her she was beautiful, I could get her to smile. It worked for awhile, but the better I got, the better she got at shutting herself off to me.
Except the time I got out of the car at a red-light to pick her a tulip. Boy, did she smile after that. It even stayed in the air freshener on the rear-view mirror in the car for the rest of the time I was at her house that time. That stay included a night where she rolled over in bed on the night before last, and linked her arms with mine. For a moment, I was so happy I didn't know what to do. All I wanted was to wake up like that. After a few moments, she sighed and rolled back over.
The next morning, when she was at work, I wrote her a three page love letter on some of the reasons I had fallen in love with her, and included a poem I had written for her in early 2013 on a fourth page.
N had been using her mom's car, and one of her stepdad's friends was buying her car, so he had me clean it out before she got home. N wanted to do it herself, and had said so, so threw a fit when she came back and it was already done. Her stepdad stormed off down the road, so N and I took her mom's car out to a friend's for awhile. It was late when we got back, and I knew it wasn't the right timing at all. I don't know what I was thinking, except that I wasn't.
The futon mattress was on the floor and, when I laid in the bed as I had been doing when it was just us, she laid on the futon mattress that night. I offered to trade spaces, but she said she was comfy; the futon mattress - which is usually on the bed - is the most comfortable part of the bed. My letter was still where I left it, under the pillow.
"I wrote you a letter."
"You what?!"
I gave her the letter, "Please, just read it. If you want to talk after, we can talk. If you want to ignore it, we can ignore it. If you want me to go, I can go."
"I'm not ready to read it! It's late, and it's been a stressful day. We've been over this before. I've got problems that I've got to deal with, and you keep popping up, and you've got your own problems. I'm going to put this right here on the table, and that's where it's going to stay until I'm ready to read it!"
"Okay," there wasn't much more I could say.
We each lied down to sleep, but soon enough she turned the lamp on and I could hear her reading the letter I had wrote. Then I heard her crumple it up. She didn't stay in her room that night, and with work early the next morning, she was gone by the time I got up.
I didn't feel like I should stay around any longer, so I went to my uncle's, with whom I had already established I could stay with every now and then at that point. My sister was staying there and paying most of the bills at the time, and her and I went to see Home in theaters that night.
----
Now, I have to go a little out of chronological order here, because there was a big wedding in there that I had come back to Ohio for.
The time I stayed at N's before the time I gave her the letter, she dropped me off in Nelsonville the day of my friends Bo and Lindsey's wedding - April 17th. We hugged as we parted and, knowing I might not ever really get to kiss her, I gave her a peck on the cheek. The only kiss to ever pass between us. She was the love of my life, I had to have at least one.
I walked to Buchtel when it got closer to time for the wedding, thinking all the while that N was the only one I wanted to marry. No one was at Bo and Lindsey's house, so I waited outside for them.
After the wedding, while they were getting their pictures taken, I noticed they were missing a "Just Married" sign for Bo's car, so I made one in the church really quick.
The reception was DJ'd by the local D.A.R.E. officer. That was my friends' night; I was kinda just there. The food was good. I danced. I caught the garter belt. I guess it was a good night.
----
Back to where we were in the story.
So, my uncle has a bunch of woodland property and is always looking for ways he can make money off the land. I propositioned the idea of doing a festival. He was all for it, but the decision was vetoed my my sister and aunt, whom were covering the bills, because they feared it'd just end up being a drug fest and they'd lose the land over it.
I wound up back in Nelsonville. I still wanted N, but figured that, after the letter, it really was our last goodbye as friends. She had a tattoo of seeded dandelions, starting on one of her feet and going up the leg a little ways. I would pick seeded dandelions as I passed them, think, "I wish for you," and blow my wish. At some point not long before Nelsonville Music Fest, I had one of my friends put that on my back as a tattoo based on N's tattoo's design, except the roots, which came down to shape into a heart - while hers is for her grandmother.
(next chapter)
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